Managing Life's 8-10 Year Cycle (part 2)

TLDR: "Roughly, every eight to ten years, life seems to cycle through like a brush fire to clean up the excesses of the past decade." The current cycle never ended as planned. As the cycle moves to the next cycle, people feel ungrounded and seek even deeper for purpose and meaning. There are proven tools to navigate and grow into these changes, including ways to embrace uncertainty, get quiet to listen to life's callings, and take small, reversible actions to discover new, more expansive directions

If your time to you is worth savin'
And you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'
- Bob Dylan

My most read blog post going back to 2005 is Embracing Life's 8-10 Year Cycle. As COVID set in, I wrote that "Roughly, every eight to ten years, life seems to cycle through like a brush fire to clean up the excesses of the past decade." Since then, it has become very clear that the double cycle since 2008 has turned and a lot of my entrepreneurs and friends have asked what is next? While I definitely don't have the answer, I can use past cycles and metrics as a proxy.

To start, the worm has turned and the times they are a-changin'. Things that used to bring purpose or direction have faded, easy financial wins of the past (venture exits, rapid real estate appreciation, low cost money/mortgages, etc) are elusive. Many of us didn't have to focus on underlying questions about our lives and relationships due to the years of dopamine dog biscuits from the Fed pouring money & low rates on all of us, giving us lovely asset appreciation. Now, I hear my entrepreneurs, clients and friends over and over again asking more about purpose & meaning, career changes, relationship changes, and feeling callings to do something new (albeit often unclear what). Welcome to the Hero's Journey.

The Cause: Life’s S-Curves

The key factor driving this "Life Quake" cycle is the life/career S-curve. In my Good Life and Career class, I talk about learning curves. Over the course of 8-10 years, we move from Consciously Incompetent (very uncomfortable about a new career, skill, etc) to Consciously Competent (can do but need to think about it) through to Unconsciously Competent (hitting the tennis ball without thinking about it) to Boredom/Wanderlust (what's next, feeling stagnant). The curve parallels changes in the markets (2000, 2008, 2016, 2024)

In 2000, my world felt like it was imploding. I had two young kids and had generally succeeded at most things I attempted up to this time. Then the DotCom crash hit and my world, technology investing, fell 80%. It was horrible as my grounding disappeared. I spent 4 years watching companies go under or I was continually cutting headcount on the others. I wrote about this period in The Significance of My Karma Bracelet. In my mind, I was a failure and I felt shame around my kids. My companies were all going under and I was going to end up at McDonald's.

However, the next cycle began to build and after several brutal years, a number of my companies had strong exits and suddenly I was a top 100 VC. I had sold most companies so was feeling incredibly smart and capable as the 2008 market crashed. However, this was short-lived. By 2009, I was going through an amicable but painful divorce, was living in new house undergoing complete renovation and Pritzker Group had recruited me to switch firms. I felt ungrounded, uncertain about my identity suddenly as a father, romantic partner and venture capitalist (new firm, new identity, new routines). I hit bottom in Feb 2010, living in the basement of my house in -20 windchill as my house was stripped to the studs (just like me).

Yet again, the cycle began to move upwards. In the next 7 years, my exits started moving above $1 billion and several exiting north of $20-50 billion. I settled into a new routine with my kids. My renovations were done and could live in a bright house vs the cold basement. Once again, I felt more grounded, optimistic and capable. After several years, the cycle began to shift again. The kids all left the nest, I began coaching training, I moved downtown and started my migration out from Pritzker. That familiar ungrounded feeling began to creep in. However, this time, after years of coaching training, I was able to view this shift through the lens of growth. 

In short, my life has had a cyclical nature of lows, highs, back to lows, shift back up...each time saw-toothing upward as long as I leaned into growing and jumping to the next curve. However, as each downward cycle hit, I felt at a loss, ungrounded and "not enough". Things should have gone just a bit (or a lot) better in the previous cycle. My karma bracelet reminds me that tomorrow will be brighter and better than today period.

Our lives are a series of these S-curves which take about 8-10 years to play through. In moments like the current, we have the uncomfortable experience of moving from the old (stagnant, receding or limited progress) to a new curve (and being "Consciously Incompetent"). I see lots of people who, due to fear, discomfort and internal stories, refuse to jump to the next curve and their lives often begin to feel a bit more claustrophobic and stale. They stay in a draining job or hold onto a toxic marriage. It is heroic to step forward when this is happening. Their life path, instead of starting to curve up with the new (step 1 to 2 to 3) goes linearly sideways. They literally say "I feel like my life is going sideways and I know there is something more out there for me." If you heed the call, your life looks like a series of these curves like this (I used myself as an example).

As we get older, these curve jumps feel increasingly steeper and, because of past successes, more risky ("further to fall"). Don't rock the boat, don't risk a good thing, don't...says our ego from a place of fear. We feel stuck like a bug in amber between the growing "call to adventure (and growth)" and playing it safe by sitting in place. However, the Hero's call starts as a tickle to the ear with a feather. Eventually, it becomes a sledge hammer to side of the head. Like a baby being born, once you are "in labor", you will be rotating into a new cycle. If you are not careful, you will try to anesthetize this discomfort and resistance through various addictive escapes (dopamine) ranging from excessive scrolling to drinking to much worse. So, how do we manage this?

Managing the Three Universal Truths

First, let's review Phil Stutz's three "truths" that get us into trouble. Ego wants things to go its way, wants the path forward to be clear and for it to be easy/low effort. In reality, 1) few things ever go as planned, 2) the path is usually opaque and 3) progress requires a constant pressure or effort. Embrace these (vs saying "this shouldn't be happening") and amazing new options and chapters open up to us. Fight them and it is just a matter of time before the sledge hammer comes out.

"In reality, 1) few things ever go as planned, 2) the path is usually opaque and 3) progress requires a constant pressure or effort. " - Phil Stutz Three Laws

The key is to get curious about what life is calling us to do, expecting from us. We are often so deep into our thoughts trying to "figure out what to do" that we fail to hear this. We grow frustrated and keep seeking to find our Purpose, our Meaning, the right career, how to have impact, etc. This is as elusive as Gatsby's green light at the end of Daisy's pier.

“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct.” - Viktor Frankl

Practical Steps Forward

As I wrote in my post The Simple Path to Purpose Has Not Changed in 2,500 Years, the way forward is simple but uncomfortable (literally a "leap of faith"). Some of the core principles I coach my entrepreneurs, clients and students around include:

• Get quiet: get out into nature, take walks, meditate, pray, play music, go for a run...do anything that gets you out of your head and connects you to flow, to transcendence (Campbell) outside of or greater than you. 

• Listen, don't grasp/seek: simply ask, while on these walks or sessions, what are you being called to do. Basic but powerful. You will get glimpses and previews (albeit opaque) but if you get quiet enough, you can sometimes literally feel a pull.

• Get curious and self-aware: spend time clarifying your strengths (what do you do well), your values (things that energize you), your blindspots, your self-defeating habits, your limiting beliefs (usually from early childhood). I always say life is about energy...do the parts of your life energize or drain you. Architect more of the former, less of the latter. Energy is the compass.

• Micro-transactions: I mention this in most posts. Just get out and start trying small little bets. Volunteer, moonlight, take people out for coffee, buy a URL, take short classes, go on an interview, etc. Keep these small in scope and reversible (e.g. don't move to another city, quit your job and join a new firm...this is less "reversible"). Do these frequently with a short begin-to-end cycle.

• Listen to your gut: as you get quiet and start just doing micro-transactions, you'll literally "feel" in your body the feedback. This I loved, was good at, was energized by and that I was not. This becomes your compass and path setter.

• Rinse & repeat: assess each bet/test, move to the left, move to the right and try another one.

Eventually, the opaque becomes clearer like taking steps through the fog towards a mountain. Your nervous system begins to feel less anxious and suddenly, the path becomes clear. But, it only does so by taking a leap of faith, stepping into small forward actions, approaching with a beginner's mind/curiosity (vs. having to have clarity and the answer on day one), and loving/embracing when things don't go as planned. Critical is that you don’t cling to the past but embrace what awaits you. Otherwise, like holding onto a log going down the river, you will be pulled under. Watch the "coincidences" start to increase in frequency. As Einstein said:

"Coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous" - Albert Einstein

I've thrown a ton at you on this post. These are my observations and experiences so appreciate if your realities are different. I'm always curious and seeking to learn so let me know: 

Thoughts?What resonates and where you have experienced just the opposite or feel strongly the opposite.