This is the second part to my Identity series, starting with Rediscovering Ourselves: Navigating Identity in Life Transitions. You shape your life by choosing your identity. Identity is a fascinating concept—we want it to feel solid and consistent. While certain values remain core to who we are, we embody various identities, selecting which to embrace at any given moment. We often overlook the fact that we create our reality moment by moment by deciding which identity to adopt in each situation. Choosing empowering or limiting identities shapes our actions, beliefs, and energy. Once you adopt an identity, you embody all that it entails—you become it.
I’ve heard the following HORRIBLE perspective twice in the last week. It said that our identity is set by how those around us respond and accept us. This means that who you are, how you show up is determined by those around you and your dancing like a monkey for them. Talk about putting a bullet in Agency and Authenticity. Don’t be who feels right or empowering to you. Instead, put on a mask and dance for those around you. My son wrote a beautiful piece on the weight of these masks. Authenticity: Embracing Vulnerability as Strength. Take them off, show up authentically as you and let the world around you sort. The Authentic You can take an array of flavors. You’ll thank me either now or in 10 years.
Choosing Identity in Everyday Moments
For example, this morning my alarm went off after a late night. I faced a choice: stay in bed as the Comfort-Seeker, hit the gym as the Athlete, or get to work as the Disciplined Executor. I chose to sit down and tackle deep work—writing this blog. This daily battle isn’t new; even the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius faced it 2,000 years ago:
At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm? – Marcus Aurelius
Quantum Superposition and Identity
In quantum computing, superposition allows qubits to exist in multiple states simultaneously (0, 1, or anything in between) until observed, collapsing into a single reality. This principle explains why a regular computer takes billions of years to crack a 256-bit password, while a quantum computer analyzes all possibilities at once and collapses to the correct one in minutes.
Similarly, Schrödinger’s cat thought experiment illustrates that until the box is opened, the cat is both alive, dead and all levels of wellness in-between. In life, we exist in infinite states, and the identity we choose determines our reality. Once we decide, our body, thoughts, and environment align with that identity. Choosing to be a Victim, for example, manifests in body language, thought patterns, and how others interact with us, reinforcing negative cycles. On the other hand, choosing resilience or optimism attracts people and opportunities.
The Power of Confirmation Bias
Once we choose an identity, our mind seeks confirmation. If you look for red cars, you’ll see them everywhere. Similarly, adopting the belief that you are unloved will filter interactions through that lens. Conversely, choosing to see yourself as lovable and competent will shift your perceptions and behaviors.
As Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Examples of Transformative Identities
Tony Robbins once helped cure a person’s 30-year stuttering habit in minutes by shifting their identity to a Warrior—embracing its attributes and reframing their past through this new lens. In this video, it shows Tony shifting Richaud’s Identity in 7 minutes
Kobe Bryant, facing personal challenges, adopted the “Black Mamba” identity to separate his personal struggles from his professional drive. Inspired by the black mamba snake—fast, precise, and lethal—he used this persona to channel focus and relentless improvement, saying:
“I had to separate myself. It felt like so many things were coming at once. I had to organize things. So I created The Black Mamba… The Mamba mentality is all about focusing on the process and trusting in the hard work when it matters most.”
Beyoncé created “Sasha Fierce” to overcome stage fright and project confidence. This bold, fearless persona allowed her to command the stage, separate from her reserved personal self.
David Bowie used “Ziggy Stardust” to explore creative expression and push boundaries beyond his insecurities. The alter ego allowed him to experiment with music, fashion, and performance without limitations.
Applying Identity to Your Life
After over 600 coaching sessions, I’ve found identity to be a powerful tool for entrepreneurs. Choosing the right persona helps align thoughts, actions, and interactions. Your chosen identity influences how your body reacts, how people engage with you, and how you interpret your life experiences.
Identity Exercise: Embodying Your Highest Self
Try this simple exercise to embrace a powerful identity:
- Identify a current challenge – Consider a situation in your life (work, relationships, health, etc.) where you want to show up as your best self.
- Choose an empowering identity – Think of the most empowering identity that would help you face this challenge effectively. Write it down in two words (e.g., Black Mamba, Radiant Catalyst, Loving Spouse, Fierce Protector).
- Define its characteristics – List out the qualities and behaviors associated with this identity. How would it think, act, and respond?
- Visualize it – Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say, “I AM [Your Identity].” Feel it in your body, visualize how you move through the world, and sense how others respond to you.
- Recall -Think of a moment where you experienced this feeling and identity. Breath it in and then breath it out through your body, out your limbs. Do this several times, feeling this identity & sensations awaken in your body. Trust me, this is not woo woo. No difference than getting into flow state shooting 3 point shots.
- Take action – Immediately do one simple thing consistent with this identity. Then, take another step. Continue reinforcing the identity through consistent actions.
- Journal your experience – Write down how embodying this identity affects your actions, thoughts, and interactions. Reflect on patterns that emerge.
- Set a timeframe – Commit to adopting this identity for a specific period (a day, a week) and track your progress.
- Practice mindfulness – Spend a few minutes daily reconnecting with your chosen identity through meditation or deep breathing.
As Morpheus said to Neo in The Matrix when offering the choice between the red and blue pill:
Choose Wisely!