This is the second part to my Identity series, starting with Rediscovering Ourselves: Navigating Identity in Life Transitions. You shape your life by choosing your identity. Identity is a fascinating concept—we want it to feel solid and consistent. While certain values remain core to who we are, we embody various identities, selecting which to embrace at any given moment. We often overlook the fact that we create our reality moment by moment by deciding which identity to adopt in each situation. Choosing empowering or limiting identities shapes our actions, beliefs, and energy. Once you adopt an identity, you embody all that it entails—you become it.

I’ve heard the following HORRIBLE perspective twice in the last week. It said that our identity is set by how those around us respond and accept us. This means that who you are, how you show up is determined by those around you and your dancing like a monkey for them. Talk about putting a bullet in Agency and Authenticity. Don’t be who feels right or empowering to you. Instead, put on a mask and dance for those around you. My son wrote a beautiful piece on the weight of these masks. Authenticity: Embracing Vulnerability as Strength. Take them off, show up authentically as you and let the world around you sort. The Authentic You can take an array of flavors. You’ll thank me either now or in 10 years.

Choosing Identity in Everyday Moments

For example, this morning my alarm went off after a late night. I faced a choice: stay in bed as the Comfort-Seeker, hit the gym as the Athlete, or get to work as the Disciplined Executor. I chose to sit down and tackle deep work—writing this blog. This daily battle isn’t new; even the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius faced it 2,000 years ago:

At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work—as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for—the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm? – Marcus Aurelius

Quantum Superposition and Identity

In quantum computing, superposition allows qubits to exist in multiple states simultaneously (0, 1, or anything in between) until observed, collapsing into a single reality. This principle explains why a regular computer takes billions of years to crack a 256-bit password, while a quantum computer analyzes all possibilities at once and collapses to the correct one in minutes.

Similarly, Schrödinger’s cat thought experiment illustrates that until the box is opened, the cat is both alive, dead and all levels of wellness in-between. In life, we exist in infinite states, and the identity we choose determines our reality. Once we decide, our body, thoughts, and environment align with that identity. Choosing to be a Victim, for example, manifests in body language, thought patterns, and how others interact with us, reinforcing negative cycles. On the other hand, choosing resilience or optimism attracts people and opportunities.

The Power of Confirmation Bias

Once we choose an identity, our mind seeks confirmation. If you look for red cars, you’ll see them everywhere. Similarly, adopting the belief that you are unloved will filter interactions through that lens. Conversely, choosing to see yourself as lovable and competent will shift your perceptions and behaviors.

As Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Examples of Transformative Identities

Tony Robbins once helped cure a person’s 30-year stuttering habit in minutes by shifting their identity to a Warrior—embracing its attributes and reframing their past through this new lens. In this video, it shows Tony shifting Richaud’s Identity in 7 minutes

Kobe Bryant, facing personal challenges, adopted the “Black Mamba” identity to separate his personal struggles from his professional drive. Inspired by the black mamba snake—fast, precise, and lethal—he used this persona to channel focus and relentless improvement, saying:

“I had to separate myself. It felt like so many things were coming at once. I had to organize things. So I created The Black Mamba… The Mamba mentality is all about focusing on the process and trusting in the hard work when it matters most.”

Beyoncé created “Sasha Fierce” to overcome stage fright and project confidence. This bold, fearless persona allowed her to command the stage, separate from her reserved personal self.

David Bowie used “Ziggy Stardust” to explore creative expression and push boundaries beyond his insecurities. The alter ego allowed him to experiment with music, fashion, and performance without limitations.

Applying Identity to Your Life

After over 600 coaching sessions, I’ve found identity to be a powerful tool for entrepreneurs. Choosing the right persona helps align thoughts, actions, and interactions. Your chosen identity influences how your body reacts, how people engage with you, and how you interpret your life experiences.

Identity Exercise: Embodying Your Highest Self

Try this simple exercise to embrace a powerful identity:

1. Identify a current challenge – Consider a situation in your life (work, relationships, health, etc.) where you want to show up as your best self.
2. Choose an empowering identity – Think of the most empowering identity that would help you face this challenge effectively. Write it down in two words (e.g., Black Mamba, Radiant Catalyst, Loving Spouse, Fierce Protector).
3. Define its characteristics – List out the qualities and behaviors associated with this identity. How would it think, act, and respond?
4. Visualize it – Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say, “I AM [Your Identity].” Feel it in your body, visualize how you move through the world, and sense how others respond to you.
5. Recall -Think of a moment where you experienced this feeling and identity. Breath it in and then breath it out through your body, out your limbs. Do this several times, feeling this identity & sensations awaken in your body. Trust me, this is not woo woo. No difference than getting into flow state shooting 3 point shots.
6. Take action – Immediately do one simple thing consistent with this identity. Then, take another step. Continue reinforcing the identity through consistent actions.
7. Journal your experience – Write down how embodying this identity affects your actions, thoughts, and interactions. Reflect on patterns that emerge.
8. Set a timeframe – Commit to adopting this identity for a specific period (a day, a week) and track your progress.
9. Practice mindfulness – Spend a few minutes daily reconnecting with your chosen identity through meditation or deep breathing.

As Morpheus said to Neo in The Matrix when offering the choice between the red and blue pill:
Choose Wisely!

TLDR: “Roughly, every eight to ten years, life seems to cycle through like a brush fire to clean up the excesses of the past decade.” The current cycle never ended as planned. As the cycle moves to the next cycle, people feel ungrounded and seek even deeper for purpose and meaning. There are proven tools to navigate and grow into these changes, including ways to embrace uncertainty, get quiet to listen to life’s callings, and take small, reversible actions to discover new, more expansive directions

If your time to you is worth savin’
And you better start swimmin’
Or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin’
– Bob Dylan

My most read blog post going back to 2005 is Embracing Life’s 8-10 Year Cycle. As COVID set in, I wrote that “Roughly, every eight to ten years, life seems to cycle through like a brush fire to clean up the excesses of the past decade.” Since then, it has become very clear that the double cycle since 2008 has turned and a lot of my entrepreneurs and friends have asked what is next? While I definitely don’t have the answer, I can use past cycles and metrics as a proxy.

To start, the worm has turned and the times they are a-changin’. Things that used to bring purpose or direction have faded, easy financial wins of the past (venture exits, rapid real estate appreciation, low cost money/mortgages, etc) are elusive. Many of us didn’t have to focus on underlying questions about our lives and relationships due to the years of dopamine dog biscuits from the Fed pouring money & low rates on all of us, giving us lovely asset appreciation. Now, I hear my entrepreneurs, clients and friends over and over again asking more about purpose & meaning, career changes, relationship changes, and feeling callings to do something new (albeit often unclear what). Welcome to the Hero’s Journey.

The Cause: Life’s S-Curves

The key factor driving this “Life Quake” cycle is the life/career S-curve. In my Good Life and Career class, I talk about learning curves. Over the course of 8-10 years, we move from Consciously Incompetent (very uncomfortable about a new career, skill, etc) to Consciously Competent (can do but need to think about it) through to Unconsciously Competent (hitting the tennis ball without thinking about it) to Boredom/Wanderlust (what’s next, feeling stagnant). The curve parallels changes in the markets (2000, 2008, 2016, 2024)

In 2000, my world felt like it was imploding. I had two young kids and had generally succeeded at most things I attempted up to this time. Then the DotCom crash hit and my world, technology investing, fell 80%. It was horrible as my grounding disappeared. I spent 4 years watching companies go under or I was continually cutting headcount on the others. I wrote about this period in The Significance of My Karma Bracelet. In my mind, I was a failure and I felt shame around my kids. My companies were all going under and I was going to end up at McDonald’s.

However, the next cycle began to build and after several brutal years, a number of my companies had strong exits and suddenly I was a top 100 VC. I had sold most companies so was feeling incredibly smart and capable as the 2008 market crashed. However, this was short-lived. By 2009, I was going through an amicable but painful divorce, was living in new house undergoing complete renovation and Pritzker Group had recruited me to switch firms. I felt ungrounded, uncertain about my identity suddenly as a father, romantic partner and venture capitalist (new firm, new identity, new routines). I hit bottom in Feb 2010, living in the basement of my house in -20 windchill as my house was stripped to the studs (just like me).

Yet again, the cycle began to move upwards. In the next 7 years, my exits started moving above $1 billion and several exiting north of $20-50 billion. I settled into a new routine with my kids. My renovations were done and could live in a bright house vs the cold basement. Once again, I felt more grounded, optimistic and capable. After several years, the cycle began to shift again. The kids all left the nest, I began coaching training, I moved downtown and started my migration out from Pritzker. That familiar ungrounded feeling began to creep in. However, this time, after years of coaching training, I was able to view this shift through the lens of growth. 

In short, my life has had a cyclical nature of lows, highs, back to lows, shift back up…each time saw-toothing upward as long as I leaned into growing and jumping to the next curve. However, as each downward cycle hit, I felt at a loss, ungrounded and “not enough”. Things should have gone just a bit (or a lot) better in the previous cycle. My karma bracelet reminds me that tomorrow will be brighter and better than today period.

Our lives are a series of these S-curves which take about 8-10 years to play through. In moments like the current, we have the uncomfortable experience of moving from the old (stagnant, receding or limited progress) to a new curve (and being “Consciously Incompetent”). I see lots of people who, due to fear, discomfort and internal stories, refuse to jump to the next curve and their lives often begin to feel a bit more claustrophobic and stale. They stay in a draining job or hold onto a toxic marriage. It is heroic to step forward when this is happening. Their life path, instead of starting to curve up with the new (step 1 to 2 to 3) goes linearly sideways. They literally say “I feel like my life is going sideways and I know there is something more out there for me.” If you heed the call, your life looks like a series of these curves like this (I used myself as an example).

As we get older, these curve jumps feel increasingly steeper and, because of past successes, more risky (“further to fall”). Don’t rock the boat, don’t risk a good thing, don’t…says our ego from a place of fear. We feel stuck like a bug in amber between the growing “call to adventure (and growth)” and playing it safe by sitting in place. However, the Hero’s call starts as a tickle to the ear with a feather. Eventually, it becomes a sledge hammer to side of the head. Like a baby being born, once you are “in labor”, you will be rotating into a new cycle. If you are not careful, you will try to anesthetize this discomfort and resistance through various addictive escapes (dopamine) ranging from excessive scrolling to drinking to much worse. So, how do we manage this?

Managing the Three Universal Truths

First, let’s review Phil Stutz’s three “truths” that get us into trouble. Ego wants things to go its way, wants the path forward to be clear and for it to be easy/low effort. In reality, 1) few things ever go as planned, 2) the path is usually opaque and 3) progress requires a constant pressure or effort. Embrace these (vs saying “this shouldn’t be happening”) and amazing new options and chapters open up to us. Fight them and it is just a matter of time before the sledge hammer comes out.

“In reality, 1) few things ever go as planned, 2) the path is usually opaque and 3) progress requires a constant pressure or effort. ” – Phil Stutz Three Laws

The key is to get curious about what life is calling us to do, expecting from us. We are often so deep into our thoughts trying to “figure out what to do” that we fail to hear this. We grow frustrated and keep seeking to find our Purpose, our Meaning, the right career, how to have impact, etc. This is as elusive as Gatsby’s green light at the end of Daisy’s pier.

“It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct.” – Viktor Frankl

Practical Steps Forward

As I wrote in my post The Simple Path to Purpose Has Not Changed in 2,500 Years, the way forward is simple but uncomfortable (literally a “leap of faith”). Some of the core principles I coach my entrepreneurs, clients and students around include:

• Get quiet: get out into nature, take walks, meditate, pray, play music, go for a run…do anything that gets you out of your head and connects you to flow, to transcendence (Campbell) outside of or greater than you. 
• Listen, don’t grasp/seek: simply ask, while on these walks or sessions, what are you being called to do. Basic but powerful. You will get glimpses and previews (albeit opaque) but if you get quiet enough, you can sometimes literally feel a pull.
• Get curious and self-aware: spend time clarifying your strengths (what do you do well), your values (things that energize you), your blindspots, your self-defeating habits, your limiting beliefs (usually from early childhood). I always say life is about energy…do the parts of your life energize or drain you. Architect more of the former, less of the latter. Energy is the compass.
• Micro-transactions: I mention this in most posts. Just get out and start trying small little bets. Volunteer, moonlight, take people out for coffee, buy a URL, take short classes, go on an interview, etc. Keep these small in scope and reversible (e.g. don’t move to another city, quit your job and join a new firm…this is less “reversible”). Do these frequently with a short begin-to-end cycle.
• Listen to your gut: as you get quiet and start just doing micro-transactions, you’ll literally “feel” in your body the feedback. This I loved, was good at, was energized by and that I was not. This becomes your compass and path setter.
• Rinse & repeat: assess each bet/test, move to the left, move to the right and try another one.

Eventually, the opaque becomes clearer like taking steps through the fog towards a mountain. Your nervous system begins to feel less anxious and suddenly, the path becomes clear. But, it only does so by taking a leap of faith, stepping into small forward actions, approaching with a beginner’s mind/curiosity (vs. having to have clarity and the answer on day one), and loving/embracing when things don’t go as planned. Critical is that you don’t cling to the past but embrace what awaits you. Otherwise, like holding onto a log going down the river, you will be pulled under. Watch the “coincidences” start to increase in frequency. As Einstein said:

“Coincidence is God’s way of staying anonymous” – Albert Einstein

I’ve thrown a ton at you on this post. These are my observations and experiences so appreciate if your realities are different. I’m always curious and seeking to learn so let me know: 

Thoughts?What resonates and where you have experienced just the opposite or feel strongly the opposite.

I had a great talk with a friend on a topic that keeps coming up post-COVID: What is my purpose? How do I have more meaning in my day to day? It is like trying to grab a wet bar of soap. The simple answer hasn’t changed in 2,500 years…

The Universe has an interesting way of stepping into our lives. At a basic level, there are those people that come into your life that you know, regardless of outcomes, will be in your heart, your soul, your mind and/or your life forever. These are those rare divine interventions into our lives we need to treasure & be grateful for.

“It was like, in that moment, the whole universe existed just to bring us together.”

Sara in Serendipity

In a larger way, the same goes for those callings, those ideas and those questions that tug at us, pull us and keep coming back. As David Whyte says:

“Questions that have no right to go away are those that have to do with the person we are about to become; they are conversations that will happen with or without our conscious participation.”

David Whyte

Our challenge is that we feel that our purpose or meaning needs to be something clearly before us and often feels grand, heavy and/or impactful. My coach, Phil Stutz, says “the big things come about from doing the small things day in, day out.” Ask 99% of people what their meaning or purpose is and they will likely say something vague around having a positive impact on the world. They feel this age old burden that they should be doing something purposeful or impactful but can’t specifically describe it. They expect to have an epiphanal moment, a lightning strike. Alas, it is much more subtle. Before enlightenment, you need to do the dishes😉

The path to meaning and purpose hasn’t changed in 2,500 years since Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. Their wisdom has been recast by the Stoics, Maslow (Actualizing/Hierarchy), Flow, Positive Psychology, Brene Brown, Conscious Leadership, etc. Our purpose and sense of contentment & sustainable success are simple: every day, every moment, strive in small ways to close the gap between who we are and the highest version of ourselves (Arete). The latter is that inner voice that whispers to you from time to time. Fortunately, purpose seems to fall out of this all on its own. As you test & trial small things to build skills or discipline/habits or networks, the forward progress begins to show you clearer paths.

I fell into this trap years ago as I started to build out the underpinnings of FORGE. I knew that my calling had something to do with guiding entrepreneurs on their journey more holistically (but from the investment side). I couldn’t describe exactly what or how but I knew that it had to be different & more human-centric that traditional VC.

I was in my head about how daunting building out all of the human-centric frameworks so they would be practical and not philosophical. Every day, I thought, who am I to think I can do this? So many were better than I, and it was such a monumentally enormous feeling task. Also, I was a successful VC…if I jumped into this new model and failed, I would look like an ass in front of many people.

Jerry Colonna, Reboot founder, said at one key juncture: “Matt, stop trying to save the world. Save yourself and let everyone watch (eg figure it out for just me).”

Drop by drop, a person becomes better (or worse) as Buddha says. Each moment, we have an opportunity to intentionally move a tiny bit from the current towards the best version of ourselves, to spend more time developing our GENIUS and less time on our obligations or things that we “should or have to do”. Maslow says we are either moving forward into growth & actualizing (+1) or backward into comfort/safety (-1). This could be as a great parent, a boss, a janitor, an athlete or a partner. The key is small steps forward. Eventually, as the pieces come together, you begin to see the bigger picture that has been awaiting you all along.

Phil Stutz calls these micro-transactions. What simple thing can you do this afternoon or tomorrow morning. Rinse and repeat. For me, with FORGE, first I felt ignorant and intimidated by all of the human-centric skills I would need to bring as a holistic “Sherpa” for entrepreneurs beyond my existing investment experience, strategic knowledge, and some tactical business skills. So, the first “micro-transaction” was signing up for a coaching program. Second, I attended the first class. Then the second. Then I began to reframe the methodologies of each class to apply to the specifics of a) Me (save myself!) and b) my entrepreneurs. After a while, I found one or two close entrepreneurs and worked with them using these. Then I saw gaps, did a second program and started to create modules, offsites & exercises. Rinse & repeat. Over 5 years, I amassed a pretty significant skill set and tools…all while working as a VC, at my existing firms, doing VC as before. This year, I began to put out capital from my own vehicles (FORGE) and blended capital with the new capabilities & growing platform.

The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a step (Confucius). So, if your goal is to be a basketball star, start with extra wind sprints this afternoon or another 25 minutes working on 3 pt shooting. Compound a little each day and soon you’ll be surprised by your endurance or that your shooting percentage is 5-10% better. Same goes for any profession. What can you do today or tomorrow morning…smaller the better.

But do so only if this feels like your flow and it energizes you. You feel like you are chipping away the mud that has hidden you for so long. We all feel these tugs. If you keep getting them, you know that the universe is quietly calling you to purpose. Your job is simply to take a small step (a test) in that direction (with no idea where it will lead you) this afternoon or tomorrow. Then another and another. If you hit a block, move a little left or a little right.

Focus on “those questions (and people) that have no right to go away” and surprisingly, you may just happen to stumble upon the elusive purpose and meaning you’ve been waiting for and seeking (and it was there all along). To rephrase Serendipity above, Pablo Coelho wrote “when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it (your Personal Legend)”

Today is the public reveal of FORGE Capital on the main stage at Denver Start-up Week. I have been developing a different approach and strategy for venture investing (and life in general) for almost a decade. In addition to investing at Pritzker and Crown, I have been evolving this new venture model with personal capital. Entrepreneurs (and humans in general) are given an oxygen mask and told that the Everest Summit is a day’s hike and are sent on their way. We have our strategic and everyday frameworks, tools, and experiences. We have patterns and behaviors set decades ago within our families and schools. However, within half a day, the first Everest storm hits hard, and we realize that we are missing the most important tools of all…the human ones. We wonder why the journey seems complex, uncertain, and draining.

Being a human centric design enthusiast, I wondered: What if a leadership/coaching platform had a child with a venture fund to help guide or Sherpa entrepreneurs, students and others on their journey? What if Jerry Colonna of Reboot was right when he said: “We believe that in our work lies the possibility of the full realization of human potential. Work doesn’t have to destroy us. Work can be the way we achieve our fullest selves.”

I also wondered what the end goal of life (and work) was. What is true success? I have spent the past eight years reading hundreds of books going back thousands of years on “the good life.” These ranged from Aristotle & Socrates to the Stoics (Aurelius, Seneca) to the Upanishads, Buddha, Confucius, and Tzu to, Emerson, Thoreau, Campbell, and Frankl. I added books on specific foundational areas like Sleep by Matthew Walker, Meditation by Chodron, Davidson, Habits by Duhigg, and Clear and nutrition by Pollan. I seeded a company that is the best I’ve found on “Blinkist-like summaries” of these great texts for everyone (get the Heroic app here). In the end, wisdom has not changed over the centuries, just the metaphors. If you read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (emperor of Rome and the most powerful man in the world), it reads like the challenges of a modern-day executive, parent, and spouse.

I wanted to create an essential guidepost to measure progress to simplify all of this. I wrapped it in what I call the Saint Peter test (you can replace this with whatever metaphor works for you…Eulogy test seemed too depressing!). If you got hit by a bus today and were in front of the proverbial Pearly Gates and had to describe how you had lived your last month or two, how would that go? Would you feel that you “owned every second that this world could give,” or were you stressed, drained, reacting, waiting for tomorrow to be your time? Did you appreciate and were grateful for all the people and wealth in your life, or were you heads down battling yet another drama?

In the end, I settled on three parts to the test: Energy, Impact, and Presence. ENERGY: life is simply energy…when we are energized, we are happy, and when we are drained, we are depressed. So, does what we do in business, family, and life increase or decrease our energy daily? IMPACT (campground): in his bestselling book, How Will You Measure Your Life, the iconic HBS professor Clayton Christensen posited that the ultimate measure is not money or houses or titles but How Many People’s Lives have you changed for the better while on earth? Today, did I leave the campground cleaner than when I arrived in the morning? PRESENCE: did we show up to our own movie today, or were we down some rabbit hole? My favorite coaching program (one of the top platforms in the Valley), CLG (Conscious Leadership Group), asks how intentional we are in living our daily lives (reactively/impulsively or proactively). Are we coming from a place of trust/abundance that life works for us OR below the line, from a place of fear/scarcity that life happens to us? Was I the architect of my life today? Said more elegantly by OneRepublic (click on the link below for their outstanding, award-winning music video on living life).

I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

– OneRepublic, I Lived

I believe that entrepreneurship is a proxy for life. The future is opaque and we are faced with daily challenges that test our resilience, our talents and our values. These are just stations at the gym to grow. Ironically, venture capital has approached this highly human endeavor with a somewhat harsh, quantitative, and dehumanizing approach. This mirrors how many of us approach life. We have our responsibilities, our goals and our resources. But when the 8-10 year cycle of life (heck, just daily life) comes swinging through to clear out the brush (if not the forrest) like it is currently doing, we realize that we are missing many of the most important tools.

I was curious if this was just me, so we interviewed over 100 entrepreneurs and asked them one simple question: To help you most, how do you want your VC to show up? Ironically, few had ever been asked this question (I have to love the cobbler’s kids having no shoes). The top response was not to help with hiring or fundraising or strategy (though all are important) but rather, “Who can I turn to, and what can I do on a Sunday Night when the ghosts and demons are running through my thoughts and sleep?” The second response was, “Scaling from $1m to $10m to $50m to $100m is brutal. Can you help me become a Superhero/the highest version of myself? I am dog-paddling in the rapids and need to learn and grow into being a leader (or parent or spouse or…).” Both of these fall into the Human column, not the traditional buckets of Strategic or Tactical.

So the hedonic game plan seems to be breaking down in a big way…that happiness is the next blue ribbon, that vulnerability is a weakness, being right is a necessity, anxiety & fear win out every time. That life is dangerous & happens to us. I have spent years building out alternative tools, modules, and exercises. These are based on wisdom across thousands of years, are tested effective in the application (not just concept), and are self-sustaining (vs. the grinding anxiety models).

To be clear, I don’t have all the answers. My kids joke, “Dad, do you ever listen to your own advice?” However, I do know that the traditional models taught to us as kids and school are broken, and there are age-old, consistent wisdom and tools, as well as modern-day leadership platforms that work much better.

FORGE: personal growth and excellence are forged in the fires of entrepreneurship and life. Here’s to an energetic, impactful, and intentional next chapter!

A year ago today, we put our beloved Bernese border collie rescue dog, Beau, down after 18 years with us. He was there to raise all three kids & see them through good and tough days. He was there to see all of use through career moves, market crashes, a divorce and junior high. On his final day and final walk, he had one last lesson to give me that I had forgotten during all of the craziness of the past years. He reminded me, despite whatever is going on in my life, to enjoy the moment…to enjoy the simple things and the loved ones around me. We all are feeling this whirlwind of distraction in our lives between COVID, market corrections, inflation and other reversals. As the Stoics always emphasized, be present and grateful as all you are promised is today: Momento Mori

I think we both knew that the vet was going to visit that afternoon to help him transition. He was holding on but struggling. As we left the building, we turned left and walked towards the main street as we always did. However, unlike normally when he made a quick move to the grass by the street, he stopped, leaned over and smelled the new colorful flower arrangement along the walkway. He had never done this before. But on this final day, he smelled the flowers for about a minute and looked up at me, almost with a smile, as if to say the proverbial “Matt, on your way to the grass (or meeting or deal or…), stop and smell the flowers and be present.” I remember like it was yesterday that moment where everything stopped and I felt him echoing the Seneca quote.

 It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it. 

Seneca

We continued forward on our walk and he stopped about 100 feet further, closed his eyes and felt the breeze blow against his face. I could see the fur on his neck wave in the wind. After about 20 seconds, he looked up at me as if to say “You try it”. I did. I closed my eyes and I felt the breeze on my face and the sun on my skin. I could not remember the last time that I had stopped long enough between tasks and locations to feel the breeze on my face. I was struck by how the velocity of my life had stripped away the intentionality of it. In moving through A to B to C in the most efficient, impactful or profitable way, I was living reactively vs intentionally determining how I wanted to spend my time in ways that were important or energizing to me. As David Whyte said:

“You increase your velocity and speed of work. But are afraid that if you stop  you won’t know who you are. You have no affection for what you’re doing but you have an abstract thought that this is what you must be doing in order to be liked. The key to getting out of the cycle and the rut that we often find ourselves then is to become sick of yourself and what you’re saying and who you’re saying it to and how you’re saying. Throw yourself away and shed the skin. As Nietzsche said, the snake that does not shed its skin must die”

David Whyte

All of this is ironic since the key thing I focus entrepreneurs I coach on is Intentionality. Are they intentionally focusing their time and attention on things that matter…that energize them vs that drain them. Do we live out of our email which, in essence, is someone else’s to do list or do we intentionally structure our day to focus on things that are core to us. Deep work time blocks, family time blocks, romantic time blocks, fitness or sleep time blocks, etc. We are like the Steven Covey woodsman who doesn’t take time to sharpen his axe because he is too busy chopping…insuring that the dull blade will double the time to cut.

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

Marcus Aurelius

We came home and later that day and the vet administered the injection. Beau was there in form with me and my son, Nicholas, but gradually he faded away. He was there and then he wasn’t…Momento Mori. We sat there in my barely furnished new apartment crying, realizing that he had given us his most powerful lesson and act of love ever during his last walk. Stop living from fear, stop protecting your heart, stop pushing others away. Hug your kids, tell your partner how much you love him/her, stand in discomfort, feel gratitude for the small things, connect with your good friends and remember to stop to feel the breeze of life on your face.

There is a false dogma around the VC/Entrepreneurship relationship…supported by bad behaviors on both sides. You feel a need to manage your investors & board, to not show weakness and present to us. We fail to fully listen, dictate desires or fears and financially optimize our investments. Trust and open communication are our most precious assets which we squander away as a result. In reality, we are on the journey together with a common enemy (Darwin). We must hang to together or “surely, we will all hang separately.” We need to optimize our chances for success, row together, remove unnecessary drama and minimize self-inflicted wounds (the majority cause of pre-mature death). Over the years, I’ve seen both the good and the awful with this relationship. So, here is my rough draft of a Covenant with My Entrepreneurs…

MY PROMISE	MY EXPECTATION
Be committed to your personal & the company’s success	Be self-aware and embrace your blind spots
Respect that this is your company but provide guardrails & accelerants	Don’t self-optimize. Your employees and I depend on you
Show up rationally, empathetically and, “first, do no harm”	Don’t let fear or ego dictate how you manage and lead
Be open and frank in my communication	Be open and honest in your communications
Seek homework from you to knock down barriers & accelerate growth	Say “no thanks” when I’m not helpful
Respect your boundaries	Acknowledge when you need help or don’t know
Honor confidentiality	Embrace this as a partnership, not as a necessary Evil
Encourage experimentation, quick iterations and respect failure	Don’t feel obligated to carry the world on your shoulders

“If you can see it, it isn’t the revolution.” — Steve Jurvetson

I wrote the following post in Nov, 2008. It demonstrated two things. 1) Tech and the stock market have a little dance they do…tech has roughly a 15 year cycle and the stock market has roughly a 7-8 year one and 2) tech is non-linear…just as FB/social was about to take off, many thought cleantech was going to be the next bellweather sector. If you can see it, it isn’t the revolution. It is possible that we are going to skip through this current cycle into a second one that goes to 2021 or 2022 due to the continuing decline in interest rates.

The markets in 2008 were very different. The banks were overexposed with bad real estate debt. Their current balance sheets are relatively clean. It is only when the banks get into trouble that the economy truly contracts as they pull in credit.  I wrote in June 2008 that I thought the venture/market cycle was coming to an end and this one in Nov 2008. Today, lot of people are going to cash and getting nervous about the market this year. Fortune 500’s are cutting ad spending for Q1 (some significantly) and I recently spoke to two elder ladies in a hotel lobby who were “short the market”. Also, more VC money was invested in 2014 than any year since 2000. So, while I believe in the 15 year tech cycle (e.g. things go boom in the night in the coming year), with this many people looking for it, it seldom hits. That said, probably not a good time to aggressively put money out and a good time to get your house in order. I’ll revisit as the year progresses…the IPO market vs. last private round valuations is a key metric to monitor.