Mathematics of Success

I am back from Spring Break with family and in-laws. I had a relaxing week in South Carolina with good food, quality time with family and golf. The only downside in visiting my in-laws is the every present no see ’ems which always do a job on my skin. Being the soft-hearted VC that I am, they go wild for my blood I guess. Cortisone and Benadryl should get things back to normal by week’s end. So, slowly getting back into the blogging with a fine Mathematical analysis of success I received from our CFO, Judy Dorr. It definitively lays out what it takes to succeed:

"Mathematics 
  
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: 
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? 

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: 



If: 
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 

is represented as: 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.



Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and 

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% 



but, 

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%



and B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% 

BUT, look how far ass kissing will take you.


A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%



So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top."

One thought on “Mathematics of Success

  1. Outstanding work Matt. I was just agonizing over a system of metrics at the behest of my COO and here I find it all wrapped up, with a bow on.

    So, I’ve borrowed it and announced implementation to all our employees, starting this very quarter. I expect it to exceed all other performance measures I’ve used, which, at best, achieved 103% improvement.

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